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“To prospective adoptive parents: When you have a child for a reason, you better make sure that reason never ceases to exist, or it will be hell for that child”
“Why did you go along with the farce, when there were far more willing and acceptable contestants available? I love you and I wish you could have loved and accepted me. All you left me was a sense of uselessness, hopelessness, lovelessness and death. I feel so sad for you. You don’t even REALIZE what you have missed."
“You should never have adopted, but should have learned to live with your infertility. Saying you “love” an imaginary child who you pretend is your own, while lying to your adoptee about information you have about their real name, and referring to their mother as “that whore” is NOT love”
“Why the need for secrecy? You should have felt secure enough to share and be open.”
"I used to censor myself because the real, full story of my adoptee experience seemed to make others uncomfortable. No more.
And while I was self-censoring to avoid upsetting others, how many people said "I know an adoptee and she's just fine"
"Too many promote adoption without understanding contributing factors or its effects on first families and adoptees"
'Are they my real brothers? You mean, as opposed to... my fake brothers?' - Social worker and adoptee Mirella Warren.
'I cannot be "real" around my adoptive parents, nor do they want me to be. I survived in their "Land of Make Believe" ' adoptee Gina Kohn
'I wasn't born. I was adopted. I felt I wasn't born because I didn’t know my birth story'
"Adoption is like witness protection. Changed my name, changed my background and put me in an undisclosed location."
"Open adoption and open records are important byways. But they are not the most compelling route. Family preservation is." Dr. Randolph Severson
"The most powerful ties are the ones to the people who gave us birth ... it hardly seems to matter how many years have passed."- Anthony Brandt
'I constantly feel homesick for a place I don't even know. I'm always looking at strangers for faces similar to mine wherever I go'
Adoption is not always all sunshine and roses for the adopted child.
Below are some feelings expressed by adoptee's in 2014 in a campaign to have their voices heard. Feelings they wish they could have shared with their adoptive families but felt they could never do so.
These words should be carefully considered by adopters and professionals as they speak of lost worlds and lost opportunities. Adoption is not all about the adoptive parents, but about the child who feels abandoned and isolated from their own world their adoptive family will never know.
Open contact with birth families must be encouraged, after all, does the long term affects on the child not play a vital role in what is in their best interest?